Sunday, March 13, 2016

learned things i have

Preschool:  Utah Utes suck.  Pool parties and play dough are everything, and my brother might not be as bad as I thought he was.

Kindergarten:  Cute outfits and new shoes are very important.  The class clown, Sean, he's the cutest kid in school.

First Grade:  My yellow card being pulled was the worst thing that could ever happen to me and that the kid sitting next to me, it was all his fault.

Second Grade:  Don't go head to head with Mrs. Edwards, she will shove over your desk.  I learned that boys love kissing tag and I was traumatized by the neighborhood boy calling me "toots". COOTIES ARE REAL.

Third Grade:  You aren't cool if you don't wear heeleys.

Fourth Grade:  Current events were the death of me and I earned my first... and last... C-, it was my education downfall.  Also, clubs are really cool.

Fifth Grade:  I learned that using spark notes saves you hours and that I was officially part of the Geek Squad class of nerds.  I hated reading that year.

Sixth Grade:  I am competitive.  Winning is everything.  Boys are everything.  If your crush doesn't like you back its the end of your existence.  Shaving is scary and Aeropostale is COOL.

Seventh Grade:  Aeropostale is NOT COOL.  I needed to ditch pony tails and slick back headbands and I needed name brand clothes.  Mom and Dad couldn't afford UGGS, True Religion Jeans, and we fought a lot.  We were poor and I hated them for that.

Eighth Grade:  New School, New me.  I got my braces off and discovered that I was actually pretty and boys liked me.  I got asked out on Valentines Day, and of course I said yes.  We talked ALL the time... over text.  Hugs were magical and one time we watched a scary movie together.  I broke up with him over text when I was sitting right in front of him.  Whoops.  I was still a nerd and didn't want to be.

Ninth Grade:  POPULARITY IS EVERYTHING.  If you aren't friends with cool people, what are you?  I got my first kiss and fell in love.  I I I ME ME ME MY MY MY MY parents and I stopped talking and started yelling.  May came and I realized that "best friends" stab you in the back.  That underneath everything, every single girl is a bitch and it's just a ticking time bomb for them to let lose and destroy everything you ever cared about.  I learned what it feels like to have no friends and your name in others mouths tied with the words SLUT, WHORE, and HOE.  I became oh too familiar with my bedroom and blurry vision.  

Tenth Grade:  I learned that you don't want to peak in Junior High.  I learned what real friends are and how they are supposed to treat you.  I realized who I didn't want to become and strived toward what I did.  I learned that being kind is the most important quality you can have.  I had to rebuild some broken bridges, and learned that some are already ash and burned a long time ago.  That hurt.

Eleventh Grade:  Heart break is real.  It hurts your chest in every single dimension and shape.  I learned that it's okay to show you're hurting and to cry.  I learned to push myself and never let anyone tell me how to live my life and that I was "doing it wrong".

Twelfth Grade:  You can't change people.  Life's hard and you are doing alright.  Everyday is battle of survival between your heart, mind, and exhaustion and you can't win every time.  The future is bright and it's okay to not always be okay.  I learned that I don't want to be a robot.  I want to be comfortable in who I am and who I have been.  And let's be honest, I have 2.5 months left and I don't want to waste it on being someone else.